Multi-generational Living: Lessons from Two Decades of Experience
The Beginning: Recognizing the Need
Multigenerational living requires much thought and many decisions. You know your family – and you know when the time comes to step in and help. Sometimes, it’s physical – you might notice them falling, or maybe they need a wheelchair. Or it could be memory – forgetting to turn off the stove. In my case, I knew I had to do something when my mom told me about going into work before sunrise. She had a long walk from the parking lot and during cold weather, her eyelashes would freeze together. That image haunted me. It was clear: it was time for a change. We invited them to move farther south with us, and so began a 2-decade journey of memories. Between the good times and the stressful times – I wouldn’t have missed it for the world!
The Emotional Journey
Bringing a parent into your home can be an emotional roller coaster. There’s the joy of being close, but also the challenges:
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Role Reversal: Becoming the caregiver to the one who once cared for you. Decisions can really be hard to make – sometimes with people who have always had the last say in a situation.
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Family Dynamics: Balancing the needs of your spouse, children, and parent. You can easily feel like a piece of taffy – pulled in all directions.
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Personal Sacrifices: Adjusting your routines, personal space, and sometimes career. Is it possible to work from home? There will have to be a whole new change in voice levels – especially when someone is sleeping a lot during the day.
It’s a journey filled with love, patience, and, at times, frustration. Remember that your parents have always been ‘the parents’, the ‘decision makers’, and ‘the caregivers’. This role reversal is very hard to deal with in most cases. Be careful with words – because they can heal or hurt.
Practical Preparations
Before making the move, consider the following:
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Home Modifications: Installing grab bars, ramps, and ensuring accessibility. You might need something now – but will it hurt the future sale of the property. Or perhaps you need to buy a new house that will accommodate more people?
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Financial Planning: Discussing expenses, potential contributions, and seeking assistance programs. Your parents may be receiving helpful social security benefits to add into the mix.
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Legal Matters: Setting up power of attorney, living wills, and understanding healthcare directives. Be sure all your siblings are on board with decisions being made. If you don’t, you can be sure it will come back to bite you.
Preparation is key to ensuring a smooth transition for everyone involved.
Daily Life: Finding Balance
Living together brings its own set of challenges:
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Routine Adjustments: Aligning meal times, TV preferences, and daily activities. More than one living space in the house is advisable if possible. and a TV in their space would be a must-have.
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Privacy Concerns: Ensuring everyone has their own space to relax and unwind.
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Communication: Keeping open lines of dialogue to address concerns promptly.
It’s about finding a rhythm that respects everyone’s needs.
Reflecting on the Journey
Looking back, there were moments of doubt and stress, but also immense joy and bonding. Caring for my parents taught me resilience, compassion, and the importance of cherishing every moment.
Final Thoughts
Caring for elderly parents is a profound journey, and you could find that you need more help. But it’s filled with challenges and rewards. With preparation, open communication, and a lot of love, multi-generational living is a path that can strengthen family bonds and create lasting memories. I invite you to contact me with any questions or comments.